Monday, August 29, 2011
Grey's Anatomy...
Yea, I've watched wayyy too much of that show. My daughter has to have tubes put in on Thursday Morning. I'm totally freaking out about it too. Like, seriously, I know that it's a normal procedure, common, and easy, but it doesn't matter. It's never been performed on my daughter. And that's why I'm scared. I know that this surgery is going to help her, but still, I'm scared. I almost feel like I am abandoning her. Because she's going to have some complete stranger take her away from me, and take her back, put her to sleep, and operate on her. I can't stand to think about it. I'm supposed to be the one person who comforts her and makes her feel better, but I'm not going to be able to be there while she's being prepped and put under, she's going to be so scared, and she's going to want and need her mommy.. And where will I be?? I'll be sitting in the waiting room with my boyfriend, ex husband, and his girlfriend or wife or whatever she is. I'm probably going to cry, especially considering I'm so darn hormonal right now. The reference to Grey's actually comes from the fact that every time that someone is supposed to go through a simple procedure.. They don't come out alive.. -.- Gonna try to go to bed on that note : /
Monday, August 15, 2011
I need a doctor...
I'm about to lose my mind...
So, it's almost 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. Which sucks, because my daughter will be up in, probably 5 hours, lol. But I've just got so much on my mind, that I can't sleep till I vent. My daughters father and I separated when she was a couple weeks old, moved back in with each other, (stayed separated though) I just didn't have anywhere to go.. Anyway, about a year and 2 months ago, (she was probably 8 months old at the time) my daughter and I moved out and moved back in with my parents till I could get on my feet and find a house. For the longest time, he would come and spend time with Lorelai on Wednesday and Thursday which were his days off and the days that I would let him come see her. Then I started letting him take her places, then when she was around 1 year old, I started letting him keep her from Wednesday afternoon till Friday afternoon. We eventually filed for divorce and finalized it. All during this time, he continued to come get her every single week and would pay me child support every month... About 3 months ago, he started dating a new girl, and the visits went from being two nights a week, to one night a week, then 2 nights one week, none the next and 2 the next. The first time he didn't come get her on his days, was also the week that his Child Support was due, go figure. Then he came and got her the following Monday, kept her till Wednesday, and told me that he would have the child support in the bank (we still share an account) on the next day. I called about the child support, and he told me to go take out half of it, and he'd give me the other half (for july, mind you) the following week, and then on the 3rd week in August, he'd give me the full payment for August, to catch himself up.. So I went along with it, got out the money and got things for her that we needed :)) (I have a boyfriend who works and buys most of the things she needs, but the child support really does help out...) Anyway, he didn't come get her the following week, and then the third week, which is this week, and the week he should have gotten her in his new "pattern" that he started, he calls me at 11 this morning, and tells me to have her ready at 9 p.m. so he can pick her up. My mom wanted to take my sister and I out for dinner tonight, so I got her ready and we went.. Then she surprised us by taking us shopping for new clothes (which I needed desperately). I didn't give it a second thought, because I've thought about it all day, and I pretty much knew that he wouldn't come get her anyway. So, I get home at 9:05 and he'd already called, almost an hour before hand. I called him back once, and then called back a second time and his girlfriend answered and told me that he had a migraine and couldn't come get her. Apparently she forgets, I dated him and was married to him for many years, and I know when he's lying about being sick, and the first sign is always him making someone else answer his phone calls. I know a liar when I talk to one, no matter how good of a liar you are, I always know.. To me, it's funny that the visitation slowed down whenever he got with this new girl. I'm not really upset about it, because I hate sharing her anyway, but if the roles were reversed, I would be heartbroken if my dad didn't come visit me every chance he got. There have also been instances, when he would come get her, and his "stepdaughter" would say "We just got back from Mr. Gatti's" Like, what the fuck, this child is 2 years old, she loves going to Gatti's you knew you were coming to get her why the fuck couldn't you wait to go eat and take her with you. I'm so thankful that she doesn't understand things just yet, but she's getting so much smarter and he wont be able to get away with it for very long. It literally sickens me. I know for a fact that if I only got a couple days a week with my child that I would definitely be there to get her the minute I was allowed and wouldn't bring her back till I absolutely had to. It's also been his girlfriend coming to get her a couple times and dropping her off a couple times as well (by herself, mind you) I always, ALWAYS make sure that I'm there to greet my daughter when he brings her back, and I'm also always there to tell her goodbye whenever he comes to get her. I just really don't know what to do about it, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it because my parents think I'm an idiot for getting mad about it, and my sister and her husband think that he hung the moon or something... My friends are usually to busy to care, and my boyfriend listens, and he understands because he's the son of a divorced couple, but I just need more people to vent to every now and then.. :/ Ah well. Gotta go to bed now, that I've had the opportunity to get this off my chest... So, for now..
Xoxo,
Amber Nicole
So, it's almost 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. Which sucks, because my daughter will be up in, probably 5 hours, lol. But I've just got so much on my mind, that I can't sleep till I vent. My daughters father and I separated when she was a couple weeks old, moved back in with each other, (stayed separated though) I just didn't have anywhere to go.. Anyway, about a year and 2 months ago, (she was probably 8 months old at the time) my daughter and I moved out and moved back in with my parents till I could get on my feet and find a house. For the longest time, he would come and spend time with Lorelai on Wednesday and Thursday which were his days off and the days that I would let him come see her. Then I started letting him take her places, then when she was around 1 year old, I started letting him keep her from Wednesday afternoon till Friday afternoon. We eventually filed for divorce and finalized it. All during this time, he continued to come get her every single week and would pay me child support every month... About 3 months ago, he started dating a new girl, and the visits went from being two nights a week, to one night a week, then 2 nights one week, none the next and 2 the next. The first time he didn't come get her on his days, was also the week that his Child Support was due, go figure. Then he came and got her the following Monday, kept her till Wednesday, and told me that he would have the child support in the bank (we still share an account) on the next day. I called about the child support, and he told me to go take out half of it, and he'd give me the other half (for july, mind you) the following week, and then on the 3rd week in August, he'd give me the full payment for August, to catch himself up.. So I went along with it, got out the money and got things for her that we needed :)) (I have a boyfriend who works and buys most of the things she needs, but the child support really does help out...) Anyway, he didn't come get her the following week, and then the third week, which is this week, and the week he should have gotten her in his new "pattern" that he started, he calls me at 11 this morning, and tells me to have her ready at 9 p.m. so he can pick her up. My mom wanted to take my sister and I out for dinner tonight, so I got her ready and we went.. Then she surprised us by taking us shopping for new clothes (which I needed desperately). I didn't give it a second thought, because I've thought about it all day, and I pretty much knew that he wouldn't come get her anyway. So, I get home at 9:05 and he'd already called, almost an hour before hand. I called him back once, and then called back a second time and his girlfriend answered and told me that he had a migraine and couldn't come get her. Apparently she forgets, I dated him and was married to him for many years, and I know when he's lying about being sick, and the first sign is always him making someone else answer his phone calls. I know a liar when I talk to one, no matter how good of a liar you are, I always know.. To me, it's funny that the visitation slowed down whenever he got with this new girl. I'm not really upset about it, because I hate sharing her anyway, but if the roles were reversed, I would be heartbroken if my dad didn't come visit me every chance he got. There have also been instances, when he would come get her, and his "stepdaughter" would say "We just got back from Mr. Gatti's" Like, what the fuck, this child is 2 years old, she loves going to Gatti's you knew you were coming to get her why the fuck couldn't you wait to go eat and take her with you. I'm so thankful that she doesn't understand things just yet, but she's getting so much smarter and he wont be able to get away with it for very long. It literally sickens me. I know for a fact that if I only got a couple days a week with my child that I would definitely be there to get her the minute I was allowed and wouldn't bring her back till I absolutely had to. It's also been his girlfriend coming to get her a couple times and dropping her off a couple times as well (by herself, mind you) I always, ALWAYS make sure that I'm there to greet my daughter when he brings her back, and I'm also always there to tell her goodbye whenever he comes to get her. I just really don't know what to do about it, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it because my parents think I'm an idiot for getting mad about it, and my sister and her husband think that he hung the moon or something... My friends are usually to busy to care, and my boyfriend listens, and he understands because he's the son of a divorced couple, but I just need more people to vent to every now and then.. :/ Ah well. Gotta go to bed now, that I've had the opportunity to get this off my chest... So, for now..
Xoxo,
Amber Nicole
Friday, August 12, 2011
Intro..
Obviously, I'm Amber Nicole.. :) I'm 21 years old, and I live in Kentucky. I've lived here my whole life, and I like it. It's a small town, with nothing to do, but it's a quiet town, and you hafta love that :) I have a daughter named Lorelai, who will be turning 2 this month. Her father and I are divorced, and we've pretty much been separated since she was a newborn.. I'm currently pregnant, with a baby boy, who we're naming Embrii Khaide. He should be arriving around December of this year, and my boyfriend and I couldn't be more excited.
Some random info about myself:
1. I'm a mom. The person that I was ceased to be, when I gave birth to my daughter. I don't go places without her, and I also don't take her to places where there are indoor pets. Mainly because I hate animals, and don't trust them. If an animal hurts my child, I don't believe in the bullshit excuse that the child shouldn't have provoked the dog. The child, is just that.. A CHILD. If an animal attacks my kid, that animal is going straight to meet his/her maker. I also wont take my kid somewhere that is nasty, somewhere that people smoke indoors, or somewhere where there are a lot of breakable things. If you fit into any of these categories, and I don't hang out with you often, stop bitching, because now you know why..
2. I hate, absolutely HATE discussing religion or politics. Apparently everyone is determined to believe how they want to believe, and that's fine by me. But I don't want to hear about it. Arguments or agreements about politics or religion should just be kept to oneself. I believe in God, and I don't know enough about politics, nor do I care to know, to have a "political party".
3. I'm the worst person in the world, when it comes to biting my tongue. Like, seriously, people tell me all the time to "be nice to someone to limit drama" There's no drama. There's me, speaking my mind, and them speaking theirs back. I don't post crap on Facebook, and I know how to keep things to myself. I don't deal with drama, but I don't deal with bullsh*t either..
4. I'm a natural type of parent. I regret decisions that I made with Lorelai, like not researching vaccinations, etc. But, as Maya Angelou said "I did then, what I knew how to do. And when I knew better, I did better..." I pick and choose which vaccines I want my children to have. I don't let them have artificial sugars. They only get whole milk, I plan to cloth diaper Embrii when he gets here, and I wish I'd done so with Lorelai. I'm going to make my own babyfood with Embrii, and again, wish I'd done it with Lorelai. I breast feed, co sleep, I don't want my son(s) circumcised, I like to wear my babies. (Sasha Wrap is definitely on my wish list!! Lol) I do not spank my child, I use Time out as an effective form of punishment. I don't like for her to have a lot of junk food, and if I can help it, I don't feed her processed/frozen foods. I prefer to cook every meal, home cooked, and I do that as much as possible :))
I suppose that's enough of an intro, and if at least one thing on this list of stuff, didn't make you think "good lord, she's crazy" Then we could be friends :))
Amber Nicole
My reason for not giving my children regular cows milk:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_folden_palmer.html
My reason for choosing to not circumcise my son(s):
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/08/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html
Some random info about myself:
1. I'm a mom. The person that I was ceased to be, when I gave birth to my daughter. I don't go places without her, and I also don't take her to places where there are indoor pets. Mainly because I hate animals, and don't trust them. If an animal hurts my child, I don't believe in the bullshit excuse that the child shouldn't have provoked the dog. The child, is just that.. A CHILD. If an animal attacks my kid, that animal is going straight to meet his/her maker. I also wont take my kid somewhere that is nasty, somewhere that people smoke indoors, or somewhere where there are a lot of breakable things. If you fit into any of these categories, and I don't hang out with you often, stop bitching, because now you know why..
2. I hate, absolutely HATE discussing religion or politics. Apparently everyone is determined to believe how they want to believe, and that's fine by me. But I don't want to hear about it. Arguments or agreements about politics or religion should just be kept to oneself. I believe in God, and I don't know enough about politics, nor do I care to know, to have a "political party".
3. I'm the worst person in the world, when it comes to biting my tongue. Like, seriously, people tell me all the time to "be nice to someone to limit drama" There's no drama. There's me, speaking my mind, and them speaking theirs back. I don't post crap on Facebook, and I know how to keep things to myself. I don't deal with drama, but I don't deal with bullsh*t either..
4. I'm a natural type of parent. I regret decisions that I made with Lorelai, like not researching vaccinations, etc. But, as Maya Angelou said "I did then, what I knew how to do. And when I knew better, I did better..." I pick and choose which vaccines I want my children to have. I don't let them have artificial sugars. They only get whole milk, I plan to cloth diaper Embrii when he gets here, and I wish I'd done so with Lorelai. I'm going to make my own babyfood with Embrii, and again, wish I'd done it with Lorelai. I breast feed, co sleep, I don't want my son(s) circumcised, I like to wear my babies. (Sasha Wrap is definitely on my wish list!! Lol) I do not spank my child, I use Time out as an effective form of punishment. I don't like for her to have a lot of junk food, and if I can help it, I don't feed her processed/frozen foods. I prefer to cook every meal, home cooked, and I do that as much as possible :))
I suppose that's enough of an intro, and if at least one thing on this list of stuff, didn't make you think "good lord, she's crazy" Then we could be friends :))
Amber Nicole
My reason for not giving my children regular cows milk:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_folden_palmer.html
My reason for choosing to not circumcise my son(s):
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/08/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html
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